Though I’m a switch in everyday life, in the business world, I’m strictly a Dom. I know what needs to be achieved, how to do it, and I get it done. Period. Others do not bully me—I’m a salesperson’s nightmare. I can’t be talked into products and services, no matter how many cute, fluffy animals they put in front of me, or how many scare tactics they use, or how many extras they offer me. I don’t cut corners. I’m fast, straight forward, and efficient.
I have the work history to prove it. In every office I’ve worked, I’ve gone from absolute bottom run to management in less than three years. For two of those companies, my success was literally unheard of. I come from a background of no nonsense, rule following business people—focused solely on making money and thriving.
Now, however, I find myself in a much different situation. My current employer is rather passive aggressive and non-confrontational. She’d rather make comments behind your back than deal with something head on. She lacks any real business sense, but cannot understand why the place is not as successful as it could be. As it should be.
You might think someone like her would be easy for someone like me to deal with. After all, I clearly have the more dominant personality, and I’m clearly the more aggressive of the two of us. Should be easy for me to steamroll right over her, eh? But you’d be wrong. I spend a lot of my time having to carefully pick and chose my words, because if things aren’t phrased just right, progress bogs in the face of a temper tantrum. The best way to get things done is to make the boss feel like the idea was hers from the beginning. That can be pretty tricky, and exhausting.
Another issue is trust. My boss has trust issues in her personal life, and she’s allowed them to bleed over into her professional life. Trust is key in any relationship, be it vanilla, BDSM, or business. Throughout my working career, I’ve always easily gained my supervisors’ trust. I’ve proven myself able to handle the reins and they were freely given after that. No so now. Despite having proven my worth over and over, I’m continually questioned and challenged, although rarely to my face. I’m constantly undermined and find myself with my hands tied—and not in a good way. People rarely are allowed to do the jobs they were hired for, and when they do, they almost always do them wrong. At least in her eyes.
There’s a lot of wishy-washy decisions going on at work, too. She’ll ask you to order a blue chair. If you ask her what shade, she’ll say, “blue…just whatever,” and mutter about your inability to handle even the simplest tasks. Then, when the beautiful navy blue chair arrives, she’ll throw a fit because you should’ve known she wanted robin’s egg blue. If you retort that you did ask her for input, she’ll say you should’ve know all along that she didn’t mean dark blue, she thought you could’ve at least comprehended that.
This is all exhausting and wasteful to me. I don’t live in a reality where this sort of behavior works. I frequently find myself thinking that if she were my sub, her behaviors would be vastly different. She’d have some respect for others, for one thing, and she’d learn a little bit of humility. I find myself thinking that, if I could just have her for three months, I could completely turn her around, and turn her into someone others would love to work with. ::chuckle:: If only.
Spending my whole day at work biting my tongue can cause serious chaos. Through I’m definitely the Dom at home, I’m more relaxed in my rules. Very little my sub does gets him in any real sort of trouble. I allow him to freely speak his mind. On some days, though, that bites me in the ass.
Some days, I can’t take any more walking on eggshells. I can’t take being questioned about anything, even small things. Discussions over what to have for dinner can go from pleasant to “get in the f*cking car like you’ve been told” in no time flat. It takes a lot to maintain my mental space—to remember that, at home, I have proven myself. I am trusted. I don’t need to defend my actions. I don’t need to worry about making my sub think the idea is his idea. And that, if my sub asks a question, it’s simply out of curiosity or wanting clarification, and not because he thinks I’m a bloomin’ idiot.
It’s a difficult situation, and at times, I absolutely feel like I’m walking a tightrope. Some Doms thrive on pressure. I don’t. I thrive on things going smoothly, efficiently, and effectively. When it doesn’t work out that way, I get a little off kilter, especially when I know it could’ve gone that way, had I just been left alone to do my job.
That’s one of the main reasons the BDSM lifestyle is so important to me. No matter what happens outside, I know I can come home to order and peace. My house and my relationship are my sanctuaries. They work. They flow seamlessly. I don’t have to tell my sub what to do—he just knows. Being a switch is a delicate balance. Being a switch forced to sub when he doesn’t want to is nearly impossible at times. But I suppose that’s the Dom in me—I’m able to take charge of myself just like I’d take charge of another person.
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