Story Rating: 5 out of 5 paddles
Sting Factor (kink): 3 out of 5
I am a huge Robert E. Howard fan. Pilgrimage to his grave,earth from his back yard, the whole nine yards. When I saw that this book was based on his Lovecraftian story “The Black Stone”, I knew I had to be the one to read it. It is as though it was meant for me, and me alone.
I don’t know what I was expecting, I really do not. I do know, though, that I wasn’t expecting to laugh so goddamn hard I had to take two ibuprofen and go lay down.
This is not a darkly erotic tale of horror. This is a comedy. It is a pastiche of the entire weird tale/Lovecraftian genre, and of porn/erotica. Each points out the ludicrous aspects of the other. The combination of tone and subject material is utterly hilarious. It vacillates between stilted and incredibly vulgar. It is fucking. Magnificent. Oh my fucking god.
This short novella is the story of Justine and her search for forbidden knowledge. Once she hears of a strange idol hidden away near a strange town in the Czech Republic, and experiences a taste of its explosive sexual power for herself, she becomes obsessed with learning its secrets, no matter how blasphemous and sanity-eroding they may be.
Alas, there is no way to rate this that is fair to both its status as the funniest goddamn thing I have read this year and you as a potentially-wanting-to-masturbate reader.
The BDSM content here is . . . well . . . a deformed cultist orgy is pretty goddamn kinky, I will give you that, but the focus is less BDSM and more freakish horror from beyond space and time. Therefore, if you are looking for kinky wank material, this . . . might not be your best bet, which is why, in spite of it being pretty freaky sex – literally – I only gave it a three.
Mostly, though, it is kept from being sexy by being so fucking funny I could not have held a vibrator in place if it had been strapped to my wrist. My husband grew so annoyed with my howls of mirth – and parting sanity – that he had to leave the room. I literally could not stop laughing the entire time I was reading it.
This is the best entertainment I’ve had in ages that did not involve booze, polyhedral dice, renfaire wenches, and/or my hideously deformed cat. That is really saying something,because when I break out the polyhedral dice and the wenches, shit gets real. I don’t know if I have ever laughed this hard at porn that was trying to be funny. (I’ve laughed almost to the point of throwing up over unintentionally bad porn, but this is absolutely not unintentional or bad.)
If you are a fan of the weird tale, of Lovecraft, of Howard,of shambling things in the dark and truths too horrible to describe; and you are also a fan of laughing until it hurts and don’t mind seeing your beloved genre lampooned, you owe it to yourself to buy this book,call all your friends over, and take turns reading it aloud over the strongest vodka you can find. You will not be sorry.
And, even better, it is the first in a series.
Reviewed by Naamah