Five Essentials for a Great BDSM scene!
Welcome! I’m Keith Anderson and I’m very honored to be doing the guest blog for BDSM Book Reviews today. In addition to writing BDSM erotica, I’m also an active member in the local BDSM community where I live and I thought I’d touch on a few things that are essential to enjoying all this kinky fun you’ve been reading about. The absolute bedrock foundation is the principle of ‘Safe, Sane and Consensual’. Safe, in that the activities involved have been gone over to mitigate as much risk as possible. Sane, so that the activities cause no mental or psychological harm and most importantly CONSENT. Consensuality is of utmost importance, if all the participants have NOT consented to what’s going on, it’s not BDSM anymore, its assault and abuse, period. There are no fifty shades of gray here.
On this foundation, I believe there are five essentials to a great BDSM scene. A lot of people mistakenly believe that you need to have expensive toys or equipment, a fully functional dungeon or porn star’s body to have nasty kinky fun. But, the truth is, one can have an immense amount of fun with just their hand, a willing ass and a lap to bend them over.
- Good clear communication – Having strong communication skills is very important for an enjoyable scene. The Dom/Top needs to check in periodically on the sub/bottom to make sure things are copasetic and conversely the bottom needs to be able to gauge their condition and communicate that to the Top.
- A thirst for knowledge – Certainly all the participants in whatever activity they are engaging in need to have as much knowledge about as they possibly can, the burden being on the Top. They not only need to know the ins and outs of spanking, flogging, caning, etc, but they also need to be as well-versed as they possibly can about any issues that can arise. But the learning does not stop there. Anytime you play with someone new, you are starting from scratch, learning their responses, watching for clues, checking in with them and taking in all that information and using it to give the best possible experience for both of you.
- A strong desire for fun – If you’re not in this for the sheer unbridled fun of it, then you need to get out. Even though we may mete out seemingly merciless pain, whispered threats in the ear and binding inescapable restraint, its all to bring the most pleasure we can and also, to have hot orgasmic fun.
- Adaptability – Run out of rope? Handcuffs won’t fit? Did you break your rattan cane against their ass (probably the most intense mix of excitement and disappointment you’ll ever have ;))? Well, I’m afraid you’re gonna learn pretty quickly to adapt. It never ceases to amaze Me how creative kinky people are and how our devious little minds are always working out ways to torment and excite. In addition, in case something doesn’t quite work out like it should, it helps to be quick on your feet and adapt to the new situation.
- A sense of humor - This is something I’ve learned from the group I go to here in town. I personally think BDSM works best when you take your Kink very seriously, but not yourself. In other words, you should take what you do seriously, taking care of your partner’s needs, knowing all you can about what you’re doing, etc. But at the end of the night, you need to realize you’re not really Lord Master DragonSlayer the Third. Because sure as fuck, one of these days during one of your scenes, things are gonna go sideways and its all gonna come crashing down that you’re just Joe Smith from accounting. And at that moment, you’re gonna have to decide, are you gonna get upset or are you gonna just laugh at yourself and move on? Trust me, the second option is not only the best way to make sure you can salvage the scene, but in the long run, is just the healthier way to go.
With these five essentials, you’ll be well on your way to having a very enjoyable and fun time exploring your kinky and sexily derpaved interests.
I’ve written several short stories and collected them in an anthology called, “Pretty When You Cry”. It’s on sale now on Amazon.com and is also available FREE to borrow on the site if you subscribe to Amazon Prime! Six short stories, plus a special advance peek at the first chapter of my upcoming novel, “Kinky in Flatland”!
One of my stories, “The Game”, tells the story of Lisa and Casey, two office workers who have been discreetly flirting with each other for awhile. While Lisa works late one evening, Casey suggests a riskier game, one with a subtle nuance of control.
I shook my head, giggling. “Hardly, it’s just I’m still here and I don’t want to be, but I need to get this paperwork finished, so I’m just stuck and if I keep getting phone calls like the one I just had, I’m never gonna get finished.”
“Well alright,” he said, as he grabbed the very ineffective stress ball off my desk and started tossing it in the air. “If that’s the case, then why don’t we play a game?”
“Yep, one I know you’ll enjoy.”
“Okay,” I said, pushing my keyboard drawer in and sitting back in my chair. “What are the rules, Mr. Hoyle?”
“Well, it starts with you sitting at your desk working with your spreadsheets…“
“Sounds incredibly boring.”
“And I’ll sit under your desk.”
I blinked.“Okay, sounds slightly less boring.”
“But I’m not doing anything…“
“Okay, now I’m back to being incredibly bored…“
“Until the phone rings, then I start making things interesting.”
“Well, okay, I just use my ever-reliable ninja phone skills, get off the phone and enjoy the…“
“Oh no no,” he interrupted, shaking his head, “when the phone calls ends, so do I.”
My jaw dropped. “Well, that’s just evil.”
“I know. That’s what makes it fun,” he said, with a twinkle in his eye.
“I don’t know.” I started, but then he put down the stress ball, swung his legs over the desk and ducked underneath. I had to stifle a giggle at the absurd suddenness. I took a quick glance around to make sure we were the only ones there.
“Hey, I didn’t say I was going to do this,” I weakly protested, “besides just watch, with my luck I won’t get another call for the rest of the…”
And then the phone rang.
It rang again and again.
A muffled voice came from under the desk. “Umm, are you gonna get that?”
I took a deep breath and turned on my headset.
“Hello, McIntyre?”, said the voice on the other end.
Oh god, it was Mr. Wesson again.
At first, Casey’s fingers slowly slid up from my ankles to my calves and then to my thighs, his hands spreading my legs, they were firm but gentle and slow. I didn’t feel like I was being manhandled and I could feel my skirt slowly inch up my thighs as my legs separated. I had to take a deep breath as I felt myself start to get wet from his gentle attention. His fingertips softly tickled around my inner thighs like feathers. I had to keep from squirming too much so it wouldn’t affect my speaking tone.
“I just wanted to go over some of the figures in the second spreadsheet for the Amalgamated account,” Mr. Wesson said.
“Yes, sir.” I tried to concentrate on bringing up the appropriate files as his fingers traced back down my legs to my calves, gently massaging, tickling around my ankles. I thought this might not be too bad to maintain, but then he did it. He kissed me on the inside of my leg, just above my left knee.
“Now it seems like the figures for the third quarter are a little wonky, I want to make sure the equations are set right.”
I could feel his mouth gently kissing my skin, his breath warming my thigh and his goatee tickling as his lips slowly nibbled their way up my leg, which helplessly started to shiver. “Um yes sir, well, I did double check those macros.”
Casey’s fingers gently ran up my right leg, his fingertips tickling their way to my knee and then further past. It was very hard to keep from squirming. I couldn’t help scooting my butt down to the edge of my chair, to give him easy access, knowing I was gonna pay for it and honestly, I really didn’t care.
In addition to trying to keep an ear out for the phone conversation, I wondered which would reach my pussy first, his lips or his fingers. I about lost it when I felt him slide the wet cotton of my panties aside and realized it was going to be a tie. His tongue licked up my lips below and took its time licking around my clit while his fingers teased around my wet folds and easily slid in. Two, I was guessing, very slowly making their way into me, deeper as his tongue settled on licking my clit from side to side. I arched in my chair slightly, bearing down on the sensations and pressing my pussy against his tongue. My free hand balled into a fist, trying to maintain composure on the phone.
“Pretty When You Cry” is available NOW, at Amazon.com or borrow it for FREE from the the Kindle Owner’s Lending Library, if you’re an Amazon Prime subscriber!
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