Story Rating: 5 out of 5 paddles
Sting Factor (kink): 0 out of 5
The author was raised as a female in a loveless home, one led by a mentally ill father and a weak and fearful mother. The parents apparently could not have cared less when she ran away from home during high school. Although she was taken in at times by a rare friend here or there, her behavior and appearance were so off-putting, she always found herself on the streets again. It was made clear to her that her presence in others’ homes didn’t serve the intended purpose; she was never what people wanted or expected from a guest. A few caring people did reach out to help her, and she was placed in a foster home. But even her foster parents’ awkward and emotionally distant treatment of her contributed to her belief that she was a freakish outcast who didn’t deserve a family.
Before reading this memoir, it might be quite easy to claim some understanding of the difficulties of being transsexual. But it was almost beyond belief how cruel people were to the author. Imagine walking into a store to apply for a job, and the owner takes one look at you and cries out that you’re a freak. Imagine being chased through the streets by a gang of boys who want to pull down your pants to find out “if you’re one of those kinds.” Imagine living every day while hating your body, knowing it only brings stares and hostility. It’s incomprehensible how the author could endure so much pain and rejection without turning to drugs or alcohol, or committing suicide. Prostitution would have been an easy way to make ends meet, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t have offers.
But she had set a goal for herself: she decided she was going to college and would become a filmmaker. And again, the rejection, insults and pain she had to endure to accomplish this are far beyond the pale. And there is more self-doubt and humiliation to endure when she officially transitions to being male—what she knew she was all along— and changes her name to Zane and her pronoun to he.
After reading the book, you’ll want to Google the author to see what’s become of him. Our lips are sealed…
The book has nothing to do with kink, so it receives 0 stars in that category, but it is without a doubt a five-star story. It is a truly excellent read.
Reviewed by Summer