I love submissive men, especially when they are outwardly Alpha to the world. I think it is incredibly sexy for a strong, powerful man to fall to his knees before a strong Woman and his only wish is to please Her, his Domme.
I wrote the following post over at the 1-800-DOM-help blog over the summer. I still feel it is true–submissive men can be Alpha. Not all submissive men are super thin weaklings. Its an over exaggerated stereotyped version of submissive men. Anyway read on and let me know what you think.
As I write Leather Becomes Her (a part of the 1-800-DOM-help series from Ellora’s Cave), my story is of a dominant woman meeting her submissive, but the submissive hero in the book is NOT a beta. My question is, can a man who is Alpha be submissive? Does submission change his role from Alpha to beta?
Alpha men can be macho to the world. You’d be surprised at how the power wielding men of society prefer to be brought down in private by submitting. (And some PAY professional Dominants to do it. It has nothing to do with sex, just submission.) They aren’t less Alpha for doing it; their ability to submit makes them stronger. Imagine the lawyer in court fighting a hard case, arguing for his client, butting heads with judges, lawyers, police, etc. Every day, all day, long hours into late nights, week in and week out. They aren’t out to please anyone. They want their way in all things. Win, win, win. These are men of sheer power and dominance–total Alpha males. Many times what does this kind of man wish for in private? Release. The joy of not making any decisions. Letting someone else take control and use him so he can relax. His only desire–to please a dominant figure (in my example, a Mistress).
So does submitting make an Alpha role switch to beta? (Urban Dictionary defines beta male as “An unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male.”)
I don’t think submission makes an Alpha man weak. I know quite a few Alpha personalities, men and women, who enjoy submission. Submission doesn’t make one weak. It takes a lot of strength to let go taboos, outward appearances and expectations.
Imagine the lawyer again, all conservative looking…strip off his outer layers (suit) and bare him naked. What do you see? Toned muscles? Tattoos? (Okay, my personal preference there…ahem.) He still looks macho yet he immediately feels vulnerable. Does he want to run? Yes. Will he? No. Why? Because he has strength to keep him there as his Mistress desires. His urge to please Her overwhelms everything else. He will take whatever She desires–whip to the back, spanking over the knee, bondage, clothespins to the cock and balls, cleaning her house, licking her feet, etc. He doesn’t say no. He doesn’t shove Her away. He wants to please Her. That takes strength!
Once his service is complete, he is once again in control. Wait? Did he really lose control? He was controlled by Her, but he had a choice. He remained subservient. Did he have to? No. Isn’t his choice to remain at her feet really just internal control as opposed to external?
He was released from his worldy responsibilities and outer appearance as the dominant male of power. His external control was stripped away like the clothes from his body, however, he internalized his power and strength to serve his Mistress, whatever her desire.
So, in my opinion, an Alpha male remains Alpha. He never loses strength or control, he merely changes the focus from outward power and strength in succeeding (money, career, education, etc) to internal control from running away like a coward.
So, what do you think? Do you think submission automatically makes a man weak? Can an Alpha still be Alpha even if he bows to his Mistress’s desires?
In turn, just for comparison, does submission make a woman weak? I don’t believe so, but I’d be interested to hear submissive women pipe in about the stereotyped image of submissive woman as weak.
See Marianne’s Author Page here at BDSM Book Reviews