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“Go ahead. It’s not gonna spank itself,” Zack said to his Dom, Steve, on page 61 of my new release, Cutaway. Topping from the bottom, some would say. Eh, maybe. Brat, others would cry.
What about Steve? Isn’t his opinion most important, since Zack was addressing him? “My brat,” he’d chuckle in response, and then ask you to please leave the room so he could handle Zack’s obvious attitude problem.
Does that make Steve a bad—or weak—Dom? I don’t think so. Neither does Zack. Yes, I know these are fictional characters, but if you’ll listen, I’d like to use them to counter the “won twue” way people in the lifestyle. These are people who say you aren’t really a Dom if you allow your sub to top you in bed. Inversely, a submissive who brats out to get what s/he wants is disrespectful.
I call bullshit.
Entering/engaging in any form of BDSM is an opportunity for a lot of great things: increase in self-awareness, fulfillment of desires, and connection with your partner. None of which require a prescription. Yes, there is an established hierarchy, but there’s so much flexibility within that the hierarchy doesn’t look the same for every person, or every couple. It’s about negotiating your needs in a safe, sane, and consensual way. Oh one more thing some people seem to forget: Fun!
Doms/subs/sadists/masochists/switches (sorry for everyone I’ve forgotten) play with each other. They go to clubs, parties, or bedrooms, to get and give pleasure. Or they use it in their everyday lives because it’s a reflection of their true nature. Either way, there’s an element of fun involved. If there wasn’t, if the lifestyle offered no flexibility, people wouldn’t bother entering it. They’d stay in mainstream society and jump in the accepted boxes.