Silver Publishing [link to buy]
Rating: 2 out of 5 Paddles
Hitman’s Creed is the tale of Glenn, a 34-year-old, bisexual hitman that has gone into retirement, and Joey, a 21-year-old student who has a habit of saying things he shouldn’t. You may think I’m kidding, but I’m not. The word vomit is almost the only defining characteristic that Joey has. He’s gay, he’s protective of his mom, he wants to be a cop, and his brain has a terrible habit of arriving to the party half an hour after his mouth gets there – and he lets us know about that every time it happens.
Glenn moves to Joey’s small town to shed his life of crime, and somehow, through about 60 pages of contrived dialogue, meaningful glances, and one all-too-convenient mistake, entangles himself in Joey’s private life. This is pretty fortuitous, since the man that has been planning to murder Joey’s mother is about to make an attempt on her life after sitting in the shadows for seven years. As they make preparations, Joey and Glenn consider navigating a romance, despite their age difference and the differences between their past and future careers.
And that’s pretty much what happens. They consider it. Joey tells his mother things about his interest in Glenn that most sons would never tell their mothers. Glenn tells Joey’s mother things that are pretty out of character for a man that is supposed to be somewhat tight-lipped. There’s a lot of talking between Glenn and Joey that coyly dances around the idea of romance.
Since this is BDSM Book Reviews, you’re wondering where the kinky sex comes in. I finished it three hours ago and I’m still wondering that. The age dynamic between the two can’t seriously be considered anything like age play, because age is ONLY mentioned whenever Glenn is coming up with reasons to shy away from intimacy. There is no sex. There is no bondage. There’s no substantial power dynamic. I came to the party with my sodomy hat on, expecting cake, and found myself in a business meeting about soda crackers. The last time I sat through something this contrived and un-fulfilling, I was in Creative Writing 101 in high school, and when I got to college, I hoped never to relive that rubbish experience.
Kendrick had an interesting idea, I’ll give him that. This story had the potential to be very fulfilling, even if it could hardly be counted as a cock-tease. However, the writing didn’t deliver what this story needed to sell it. I’m a fan of well-written books that are smart and engaging. At the very least, I hope to get a couple chuckles out of a book. The only laughing I did when I was reading this was at my own jokes, all made at the expense of the book. I was sitting through it, thinking, “Okay, these last 20 pages will give me the smut, and at least it will have been sexy,” and it never happened.
It’s a short and painfully easy read, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it if you’re the kind of romance fan that I am: one who looks for books with clever writing, organic characters, and hot sex.
Reviewed by Sugarcunt